Tears of Rain
by Zouzou0517
Summary: This OneShot takes place after season 5. The war is over. Eden is split. Bellamy and Clarke can now forgive each other.


_**Before we begin, **__**I'm sorry, this was my very first fiction about Bellarke, and most importantly my first work in a very (too) long time, so it's far from being perfect. I've improved since then, I promise. **_

(and also, don't forget, this work is translated from French)

* * *

_**Bellamy**_

I wake up with a start when a strange sensation on my face wakes me up from my sleep.

I open my eyes to the leaves of the trees above me. I must have fallen asleep on duty. The full moon pierces the branches that overhang me and illuminates the surroundings with a pearly white. In the distance, I can see the small houses of the village of ShadowValley. Everything is calm and quiet, so quiet that sometimes I wonder why I keep guarding like this. But even though we are supposed to live in peace with Eligius' prisoners, I remain suspicious. We've been sharing the valley for a month now, and there have been no incidents. For now...

I stretch and realize that someone thoughtful came to lay a blanket over me while I slept. I look for them and freeze when I see a silhouette a few meters away.

_Clarke_...

I don't have to think twice about it to identify her. She is facing away from me, her attention focused on the forest in front of us, but I will recognize her blond hair, almost as white as the skin of her bare arms under the moonlight and her straight and still posture, between a thousand of other people.

I don't know how to interpret her gesture towards me. We haven't really been on good terms since the end of this war and I wonder how many more times I will have to apologize for the danger I put Madi in before she finally decides to forgive me. But whatever, if I have to tell her how sorry I am again, I will do it. I'll stay here until she either forgives me or sends me away. I'm ready for anything.

That's why I stayed here when my whole family moved to another part of the valley. I cannot leave it like this, not on an unresolved conflict, not on unsaid issues. This decision to stay had brought me the wrath of Echo, but I had endured it without flinching. With her either, I'm not on very good terms since all this history with Octavia...

When I finally decide to join them, I don't even know if I'll be welcome... But this is another question for another time.

The wind is rising and singing in the leaves. I look up to the moon, now masked by thick dark clouds. Then, the same sensation that woke me up reappears and I immediately identify the guilty this time.

_It's raining..._

I jump up and feel several wet and cold drops falling on my face, which I immediately lift up to the sky, waiting for the rain to fall.

* * *

_**Clarke**_

I turn around when a noise of leaves and crushed twigs echoes behind me. Lost in the contemplation of the forest of our Eden, I had let myself be immersed in the calm and quietness of ShadowValley, almost forgetting the reason for my presence here.

_Bellamy..._

With his face tilted towards the sky, he didn't notice that I was there, or he's now focused on something else. Also looking up, I unconsciously seek a threat, another imminent danger that would be waiting for the people I care about... It's only when I can feel the first drops on my cheeks and forehead that I understand.

_It's raining..._

The downpour begins and the droplets increase as well. Protected by the thick branches of the oak tree under which I am standing, I watch him as he spreads his arms. Water falls on him and he doesn't seem to care. He reaches out his hands, palms open to the sky and I can almost see the drops falling on his skin. He laughs softly and a dense mist is escaping from his mouth.

Suddenly, I realize. How long has it been since he saw, heard and felt the rain? How much did he miss that sensation in space? A smell of humidity and earth soon filled the air and I am now enjoying the rain with a new look.

A few steps are taking Bellamy out of the makeshift shelter of the pine tree above him and the rain is now pouring. He slips his hands over his face, then through his dripping brown curls. As much as I feel resentment for him, for a minute, this sight takes all the anger out of my mind. Have I ever had the chance to see him so... happy? I'm not sure about that.

Yet this scene seems so familiar. This smile, this peace, this warmth despite the freezing rain are part of him, and even hidden under the surface of our worries, I feel like I already know them, I have read them in him without ever having had to see them.

And so, I can no longer remember why I should be angry. His previous choices, his past betrayals, his old accusations, and our old arguments seem so distant to me as if they came from another time. He's standing a few steps away from me, finally there... Home.

The target he put on Madi's back seems to be a very bad and distant memory. This hardship had divided us, but we had nevertheless fought it on two different fronts before finding each other and uniting to become stronger. Together.

I can't believe I went to meet him here to finally confront him... Now I' m almost ready to put my grudge behind me, without having said or done anything. Just by looking at him.

* * *

_**Bellamy**_

When I turn around and my eyes catch Clarke's gaze a few steps away from me, I'm not surprised. I' ve always felt her gaze on me, like a silent burn when she looks at me... Since the very first day we met, and even after that, even after six years away from each other. I always knew when she was watching me, even when I thought I wasn't aware of it.

I've always loved the rain and she knows it. That's what I missed the most in our six years in space.

_One of the things I missed the most..._ corrects a little voice in my mind.

It's true. The other one is standing in front of me and what I see in her eyes is filling me with hope and fear at the same time.

Bitterness and resentment have vanished. The usual fold between her eyebrows is gone. No wrinkles crease her forehead with worry or anger. She almost seems... amused. Serene. Yet I don't dare make a move. As if I was dealing with a wild and beautiful animal, I'm afraid to frighten her, I'm afraid to break this moment and that she'll run away, or worse, that she'll attack me. This thought is enough to wipe the smile off my face.

_ So that's what I'm reduced to, then? Waiting and fear?_

My throat tightens when I think of all the things I'd like to say to her... Yet I suddenly realize that we will never be able to catch up for the last six years. They're lost forever, nothing and no one can change that.

This reality strikes me and I feel something breaking inside me. Immediately, however, an emergency seized me and the need to move forward seeps into my mind. I would like to forget that past. I would like to forget everything that has happened since our very first landing on Earth.

Erase everything, except the links that have united us through these hardships... The bonds that still unite us and that have turned our enmity into respect, our respect into trust, our trust into friendship and our friendship into a deeper, purer, stronger feeling that we never had the opportunity to understand.

If there' s one thing - **one thing** \- that I know, it's that Clarke is my person. The other half of me, what I miss and what completes me, what balances me. I only feel whole when I know her there, somewhere.

* * *

_**Clarke**_

His smile fades when he looks at me and the sadness I see in his dark eyes overcomes my last barriers. That smile, I want to see it again. The crease of his lips, the joy in his eyes, the glow on his features, I want to see them again. Doesn't he deserve to finally be at peace after all these hardships? Doesn't he deserve a little happiness after all this misery? Don't we both deserve this serenity in our lives?

I was so angry and now I'm so calm that I'm almost dizzy at this giant leap. If we could just forget the past, and move on, everything would be so much easier.

All I can think about now is how much I missed him. How much of a burden his absence was. How painful his silence was. There are so many things I would like to share with him. So much that when I think about it, my breath gets stuck into my chest. Not stories from the past, not anymore. But plans, hopes for the future. Of this future that we could share... side by side?

I don't know how to explain my change of heart to him. It' s as if all the words in the world couldn't be enough and had lost their meaning. I don't know where to start. I just know I have to take that sadness out of his eyes.

* * *

_**Bellamy**_

It's pouring rain now, but I don't care. I' m far too busy deciding what my next words, my next actions will be, to worry about something so meaningless.

Suddenly, Clarke takes a few steps forward to me. Thus, she pulls herself out of the shelter offered her by the great oak tree above her, but the rain seems to have as little importance for her as for me as she walks until she finds herself a stone's throw from me. Her expression is unreadable and a thousand questions cross my mind before dying on my lips.

_ What are you thinking about? Are you still mad at me? Will you forgive me? How much longer will I have to wait? How much longer will I have to fear you? When can I talk to you again? Can I be a part of your life again? Do you want to be part of mine again?_

I can't help but think that the last time she came at me with that fierce look on her face, it was mine she had hit with violence. Not that I didn't deserve it at the time, but the brutality of this action had left me astonished, and I had no desire to retry the experience. Nevertheless, I remain still. It's my way of showing her that I trust her.

Then, against all odds, she manages to surprise me again. She raises her face to the sky and closes her eyes. She lets the rainwater her cheeks, eyelids, forehead. The drops are falling and slipping down her throat, on her chest, in her hair. She spreads her arms as I did a moment ago and turns her hands towards the clouds. The water is pearling on her fingers and gathering in her palms. Finally, she runs her hands over her face, then through her wet hair that the rain has darkened, before reopening her eyes and giving me a shy smile.

The sapphire in her gaze surprises me while the darkness almost totally immerses us. It's as if her eyes had caught the moon's weak flashes and were now having fun mirroring them to me. Subjugated, the only thought I can articulate is that she' s beautiful. I get to envy the rain. I would love to be those lost drops on her skin. I wish I could be as close to her as the water that is now dripping on her body.

Without thinking, I fill the space that separates us in a big stride and take her in my arms. I feel her stiffening against me as I hold her more tightly, trying to convey through this embrace all that I would like to express. My thousand pardons. My thousand questions. These six years of absence. All my hopes for the future. I would never have known where to start anyway. All the words in the world wouldn't have been enough and have lost their meaning.

* * *

_**Clarke**_

I saw the strength and surrender in his eyes as he walked through the space between our two bodies, a few seconds before hugging me. Why do I get the impression that it takes a hundred times more bravery to expose your soul and heart than it does to go into a war lost in advance? Why do we manage to sacrifice ourselves for the people we love without being able to tell them how much we need them when, against all odds, we end up reuniting with them?

I freeze in the vice of his arms and all the times I hugged him in mine are returning to me in waves.

When I found him after I escaped from Mount Weather.

When I said goodbye to him at Arkadia's gates.

Our mutual forgiveness on that small beach before joining the sea clan.

This time in Becca's laboratory where I understood that I would not be able to say goodbye to my mother before Praimfaya.

More recently, when he found me after 2199 days of absence.

I don't know why, but all these moments are still etched in my memory, and the latter even more so. I had believed that I had dreamed, that his voice and silhouette in the light of the Rover's headlights were only the result of my imagination, a way for my brain to escape the torture of the electric collar... So when he appeared in that little cell and his arms, after lifting me up, held me tight with all their strength against him, reality caught up with me and I finally felt alive.

These same arms are now surrounding me and again I am feeling alive. So I'm doing the only thing I need right now. I get out of my inertia and give him back his embrace. My arms encircle his waist and my hands go behind his back before tying themselves up as if to prevent him from leaving, to prevent him from disappearing again. I let my cheek lie on the top of his chest and I feel his chin coming naturally to rest on the top of my head.

* * *

_**Bellamy**_

Clarke lets herself go against me and I suddenly feel reborn. I close my eyelids, soothed, and put my chin on the top of her skull while she presses her head against my chest. I notice without really paying attention that my arms are completely wrapping around her as her own hands are tied behind my back. I became aware of the strength of my embrace when I realize the intensity of hers. Yet neither of us wants to loosen our ties and the rain falls even more.

I would like to stay there, still, forever. Just feel her deep breathing against my chest. The pounding of her heart against my rib cage. The scent of her hair mixed with the smell of rain intoxicates me as I take a deep breath.

**"Clarke."**

A violent thunderclap covers the hoarse tone of my voice and Clarke moves back a few inches as she loosens her hands from my back. The lack of contact baffles me and I forget what I wanted to say. But already, she dives the azure of her eyes into the bronze of mine and I am finding an infinite number of things to add. She seems to guess the words in my eyes and this time it's her voice that's whispering:

**"Bellamy."**

The tentative but warm tone of her voice ignites the rest of my senses and a shiver spreads over my skin. She's about to talk and I stop her by gently placing a finger on her lips. What more could she say that her gestures or looks couldn't express?

* * *

_**Clarke**_

He releases his grip and his index finger leaves my mouth very slowly. His hands run along my back, touch my shoulder blades, then caress my arms. His fingers draw an invisible line down to my wrists and each of his contacts ignites my naked skin, which is frozen by the rain.

Instinctively, I bring my hands to his chest and I feel under my palms the beating of his frantic heart. Mine in my chest seems to be animated by a frenzy like no other. Did he feel it pulsing under my skin and against his chest during our embrace?

This time, lightning struck in the distance and further lit up his face. With his distinctive irises, so warm brown that he reminds me of the bark of those same trees around us, he is staring at me as if I were the only person still alive in this world and that is how I feel at that very moment, against him. Alive.

With a light, almost chimerical movement, he captures a strand of blond hair stuck to my forehead by the rain. His hand comes to rest on my cheek, so gentle that I may think I'm dreaming. I close my eyes while his thumb comes to draw, with the same lightness, my cheekbone, my lips, then the dimple of my chin, my throat and finally, the beginning of my chest which is rising exaggeratedly as my breath threatens to stop with each of his movements.

His palm comes to nestle against my heart, warm and heavy and it doubles its beating under his fingers_. _

* * *

_**Bellamy**_

** "Please, Clarke, open your eyes."**

The words came out of my mouth by themselves, weak and dull. My voice breaks with the feeling that has overwhelmed my whole being. I even doubt she could even hear me with the storm that's raging, but it seems so. She reopened her eyelids and an unexplainable relief seizes me.

With her magnificent eyes, she watches me attentively, looking in my gaze for the same answers that I probably look there. A sign, an invitation, a prayer? Every fiber in my body screams at me to take the first step.

All I have to do is slide the hand I left on her cheek at the back of her neck...

Move forward a few inches while my other hand runs down her back to her waist...

Then, bend down, and capture her lips in the sweetness of mine...

With her fingertips, she stops my move. Only then do I realize that my actions have followed my thoughts and that I am only a few millimeters from kissing her. Her fingers on my mouth have interrupted my kiss and my heart is breaking in my chest.

With my eyes, I am asking why, but I do not dare to loosen my grip on her body. I can see in her eyes that she wants it as much as I do. I can see her bare feelings across her face. Even her fingers against my mouth seem to be asking for more. And her lips a few inches from mine... her warm breath on my face.

**"Please, Bellamy, don't do this."**

Her voice sounds as broken as the heart in my chest and I frown as I guess the tears in her clear eyes.

**"Why? I finally ask while her hand slides on my cheek. And my voice is only a whisper, just like hers.**

**"You can't," she begins, and I see that she's suffering as she says these words. "You can't do that to us..."**

* * *

_**Clarke**_

A flash of understanding passes through his eyes and Bellamy suddenly releases his embrace. He walks away slightly, stunned by what he almost did. His arms fall back down his body and the absence of his contact burns even more than his hands on my skin a few seconds earlier.

**"Clarke, I-I-"**

I shake my head and look down at the water-soaked ground. I don't want to hear him say he's sorry. I don't want him to apologize. I don't want him to regret it. And I try not to think about what I want instead. I want his hands on me. I want his mouth against mine. I want it. All of it. I need him. His body, his heart, his mind. And that is precisely the problem. I can't have all of it. Not when it belongs to someone else...

And he can't do that to me. He can't put me in that position again. Not when he knows what I've been through with Finn. And more than that, he can't do that to us. After all, we have experienced, all we have gone through, all the hardships we have overcome, we cannot start this new story in this way.

Because I want this story with him. I want it so much that every part of my body I'm holding back is making me suffer. Those legs I keep from moving forward to come back against him. Those arms I keep from standing up to hold him against me. My hands, my fingers, my lips, everything hurts.

He keeps silent and suddenly I'm afraid he'll think my reaction is rejection. After all, I didn't say anything. Maybe he thinks I interrupted his action because I don't have feelings for him. I don't want him to feel rejected when I feel the opposite. So I look up and cross his eyes before offering him a shy smile.

And in a breath, he declares:

**"I'm not sorry."**

* * *

_**Bellamy**_

I would have liked to tell her that I was sorry and that I regretted my move, but I couldn't lie to her. At this very moment, I regret only one thing: to have to come back to reality so brutally. Fortunately for both of us, one of us had managed to keep his senses. And, clearly, it wasn't me.

How could I have wanted to do this to her? How could I have wanted her to play the role of "the other girl" when she's so important to me. And Echo, what would I have told to Echo? How could I forget everything to this point?

These questions are ringing in my ears, but when I look at her face and delve into the azure of her gaze, I know why. I hold my breath and my heart stops beating as I look at her. Then it goes back to an impressive chamade. "Boom Boom - Boom Boom". Its dull cavalcade seems to never stop and it feels like it's going to implode in my chest.

How long had I not felt this way? It's as if this part of me was dead and Clarke's presence next to me was bringing it back to life.

_Why?_

I silently ask myself this question and keep my eyes on her, as if she had the answer. No, not _"as if"_. I am looking at her because she _is_ the answer.

So, I say again, with more confidence this time:

**"I'm not sorry, Clarke."**

* * *

**_Clarke_**

Stupefied, I dare not move, speak or even breathe. I can only keep looking at him as he runs a hand through his hair. I recognize the gesture for having seen it dozens of times before and I understand the importance of what he's about to say, so I let him continue, both terrified and full of hope.

**"I know my relationship with Echo is holding you back- holding ****_me_**** back. And yes, I loved her- I loved her with my head."**

My heart is bleeding at this statement and I bite my lip to avoid showing anything. He continues:

** "But you-"**

With one motion, he embraces me and I shudder when he smiles at me.

**"You, it's my heart you own. I left it with you six years ago when I left. And I didn't think you'd be here waiting for me. I didn't know you'd take care of it all these years. But now I'm here and since I found you, I feel complete. Whole."**

I feel my eyes burning as they fill with tears and I do nothing to prevent his palm from reaching my cheek. On the opposite, I put my hand against his and allow myself to lean into his touch. His thumb wipes a tear and all I can say is:

**"It's so unfair."**

It may seem childish, but that's how I'm feeling right now. I thought I was sacrificing my life when I climbed up to the tower and let them go without me, but the truth is, I sacrificed a lot more than that and yes, it was unfair.

* * *

_** Bellamy**_

My heart is bleeding at this statement. Yes, it's not fair. How many times have I rethought my guilt and regret during the six years I spent in space? Losing her almost destroyed me and at the time I had only understood a hundredth of what I was feeling for her. There was no longer any question of losing her anymore.

**"I will never leave you again. And I won't let you sacrifice yourself anymore."**

It's so easy to tell her how I feel about her now, the words are flowing on their own.

**"Clarke. I need you."**

She suddenly comes closer and wraps her arms around my neck before holding me. Immediately, my arms encircle her waist and I plunge my face into the hollow of her neck while she does the same with me. I breathe her in deeply for a few minutes, intoxicating myself with her warmth and scent and we stand still as the rain subsides and the storm moves away.

**"I promise I'll talk to Echo. As soon as possible. Tomorrow. Right away if necessary. And then we can be together."**

* * *

_**Clarke **_

This last word, whispered in my ear as his lips itch the hollow between my shoulder and neck, seems to resonate on the trees around us and resounds in me endlessly. So, obviously, I reply:

**"Together."**


End file.
